Why Is Superman Against Batman

Needless to say, major spoilers for the whole of Batman v Superman follow

I can overlook plot holes; every story has them. Heck, even the stories you tell about your own life have plot holes, because nobody has time to recount every single incident that happened, every thought you had.

That's all plot holes are, usually: information we just don't have that we shouldn't worry too much about missing as long as everything else is working.

The problem arises when the plot holes are so big that they become sucking voids, devouring everything around them. And things only get worse when characters' actions and emotional logic are jerked around by the dictates of the plot.

Batman v Superman has a lot of plot holes. Some are nitpicks. Some are minor and can probably be waved away. Some are legitimate story problems. But what's unforgivable is how many moments of character-defying illogic the movie contains. They erode trust in its ability to tell this particular story.

Here are 19 moments from Batman v Superman that just don't make sense, ranked by how much they damage the film.

1) Why is Batman so damn gullible?

Batman in Batman v Superman — Cool Bat Signal, though.

The entire movie hinges on Lex Luthor using his wiles to trick Batman and Superman into fighting. But he doesn't really waste much energy on fooling Superman, who's barely aware that Batman has it in for him.

Instead, he spends almost the entire movie picking at the scab that is Bruce Wayne's anger over the Metropolis disaster that concluded Man of Steel. (That film famously ended with a battle between Superman and General Zod that destroyed much of the city's downtown area, with much loss of innocent life.)

Batman v Superman's single best idea is that Batman has decided Superman is a problem because of the chaos that resulted at the end of that earlier film. Developing the film directly from that conflict could have given Batman v Superman the philosophical weight it so clearly aspires to, and maybe even a touch of political commentary here and there.

Instead, Batman is so single-minded that he comes off like a complete idiot. He can't figure out that a famous crime lord is actually a boat. He misses the obvious ways Luthor is manipulating him (or just doesn't care). And he doesn't seem particularly interested in Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) beyond her attractiveness, even though it might benefit him to have her as a partner.

The Batman of the comics is a rich guy with lots of wonderful toys, yes. But he's also a supergenius. Batman v Superman's Batman is little more than a collection of muscles.

2) How does the world feel about Superman?

The film posits a world in which Superman's existence has thrown human life into chaos. Some people worship him. Some people think he's a necessary evil. Still others think he's a huge danger to our species.

There's a good version of this story where the debate plays out in full, where the moment when the world has no choice but to kill Superman — with a nuclear missile! — carries a terrible weight because the superhero has finally re-earned our trust.

Batman v Superman is not that film. Metropolis boasts a giant monument to the guy — built just 18 months after the events of Man of Steel! — but it seems like basically nobody likes him. The world's opinion of Superman changes from scene to scene, and seems as barely motivated as a mob of Springfielders on The Simpsons.

And it's not hard to see why. In the few smaller moments where Superman rescues people in scenes shot like Creed album covers, he mostly mopes his way through everything he does. I'd be kind of tired of him too.

3) Why does everybody blame Superman for the massacre in Africa?

The deaths in "Nairomi, Africa" (seriously an unforgivable dateline) are blamed on Superman, because he showed up. But why? Everybody in that courtyard was demonstrably killed with either a bullet or a bomb — and the government even knows this, beyond the CIA shenanigans happening around the edges.

You can probably wave this one away if you really try, but Batman v Superman simply assumes that Superman would be blamed for such an event. I'm not so sure that would be the case.

4) What the hell is Wonder Woman in Metropolis for?

She tells us this, actually: She's there to retrieve the photo Luthor has of her from when she was fighting in World War I. But later, she says she "left the world of men," presumably to return to wherever she comes from in the DC Cinematic Universe.

So why does she need the photo? If she's not hanging out around normal humans, no one who looks at it will know who she is. They might think it weird to see an Amazon in the trenches of World War I, but so long as she stays secluded, she's fine. Instead, she comes out of isolation to track down the photo?

Her appearance would have made more sense if she just randomly showed up to fight the villainous monster Doomsday — and that would have been terrible!

5) What does Lex Luthor want?

To destroy Superman, sure. But why? Batman v Superman can't make up its mind.

First he's just a social climber. Then he hates God because his father was abusive? Maybe? Later, he wants to be God by creating Doomsday. But we don't learn about Doomsday's existence until awfully late in the plot, and the only reason is seemingly to have Superman perish at the hands of the brute.

Nowhere does Batman v Superman reveal its true roots as Warner Bros. attempts to awkwardly mash up two classic comics — The Dark Knight Returns and The Death of Superman — to craft Luthor's motivations, which change depending on the scene.

6) Is Lois Lane magic?

When she's not being held captive as a damsel in distress, Lois Lane uses her powers of journalism to immediately arrive on the scene of wherever she's needed, to the degree that she can throw herself into the middle of Batman and Superman's big fight. (Though at least that entrance is explained: She takes a helicopter.)

Lois Lane is a great, great character that both of Zack Snyder's Superman films have badly misunderstood. Many have made fun of her line in Batman v Superman, "I'm not a lady. I'm a journalist." But it makes sense if you believe that Snyder and his screenwriters believe journalists are like the elves from The Lord of the Rings — always showing up at the last possible moment but also always showing up.

7) Corollary: Why do Clark Kent and Lois Lane love each other?

Answer this question for me using only the material found in Man of Steel and Batman v Superman. Don't talk about their love story from the comics or from other Superman films. I'll wait.

8) Why does Batman decide not to kill Superman?

The film's most mocked moment is already the part where Batman decides not to kill Superman because both of their moms are named Martha. But even if you put aside the sheer ridiculousness of the situation, it leans far too heavily on an abrupt emotional shift.

You can sort of see what everybody was going for: Just as he's about to commit murder, Batman remembers the murders that defined his childhood.

But Batman has spent so long fretting about Superman — with at least a somewhat justifiable kernel at the core of his anger — that his sudden change of heart seems bizarre. Why would he immediately become Superman's ally? Even if Batman decided not to kill him, some mistrust would still remain, surely.

9) Similarly, why doesn't Superman lead with the most pertinent information when confronting Batman?

Opening with, "Lex Luthor is manipulating us into fighting, and he's going to murder my mother if we don't work together. I can prove it," seems like a stronger strategy than just vaguely declaring, "We need to work together," but what do I know?

10) Even more similarly, what is Batman's plan for getting Superman to fight him?

He turns on the Bat Signal, then waits around an abandoned warehouse? Sure, it works, but it seems like he stands around for a long, long time before Superman shows up. Batman's a proactive character. Wouldn't he take the fight to his foe?

11) If Batman knows so much about Lex Luthor's shady smuggling deals, why doesn't he suspect Luthor's true intentions?

He knows Luthor is keeping an eye on so-called "metahumans" too, so you'd think he would at least be a little suspicious. I realize this is just an extension of my very first point, but that really, really bugged me.

12) Why is everything in this movie at least two story beats too complicated?

Lois in Batman v Superman — Lois doesn't need to be kidnapped for this story to work.

Lois being a damsel in distress made me roll my eyes, but at least Superman dropping everything to rescue her kind of makes sense within the movie's own twisted logic. They love each other — or so they say.

But then it turns out Luthor is just using Lois being in danger to lure Superman out into the open, before revealing he's kidnapped Superman's mother as well.

Setting aside Batman v Superman's lousy treatment of its women characters, both women don't need to be captured for this story to make sense. Similarly, the movie doesn't need both the African massacre and the explosion in the US Capitol for Superman to feel bad about the chaos he's brought to the world. Most of Batman v Superman's story is pointless busywork.

13) Why doesn't Superman hear the bomb in the wheelchair?

The Capitol bombing sequence is a mess on a number of levels — considering it involves Luthor threatening a sitting US senator with a jar full of urine, for one — but it all falls apart once you realize that Superman could almost certainly hear the bomb inside of Wallace's wheelchair. (Thanks to Vox contributor Genevieve Valentine for pointing this out.)

14) How is the Daily Planet a functioning business?

Laurence Fishburne in Batman v Superman — Perry White talks only in headlines.

Nobody likes it when journalists complain about fictional depictions of journalism, but this is a particularly egregious one. Perry White has no interest in a story about Batman? He's got Clark covering football, but also attending society parties? Maybe the Planet doesn't have beats anymore, but no real-world journalist operates like that. (I could go on, but I sense this particular topic will be of interest mainly to me.)

15) How does the Kryptonian ship just decide Luthor will be its new master?

The answer to this question is, "Because the story needs that to happen." That's rarely a good sign.

16) Why does Superman die?

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice — Bruce and Diana have a change of heart after Superman dies.

Okay, on a technical level, I know why he dies — Doomsday bone-fragments him through the heart.

But why does his death have to happen on a thematic level? What about it inspires Bruce and Diana to start the Justice League? And why bother with it at all, given that it will clearly immediately be reversed in the Justice League movie (still ostensibly coming in 2017)?

Death has become a brief way station on the hero's journey in too many modern Hollywood franchises. Just once, death and resurrection should carry some damn weight. They don't have any weight in Batman v Superman. At all.

17) What's the point of Clark's dream visit with his dad?

No matter what you do, or how hard you work to save people, something might go wrong ... and then a bunch of horses will drown, Jonathan Kent earnestly intones. So even though it's good to help people, maybe you shouldn't.

If anyone was surprised that Snyder wants to adapt The Fountainhead for an upcoming project, hopefully they won't be after this baffling bit of characterization.

18) Does anybody in this universe know how to use a spear?

Spears are made to be thrown! Just throw the spear at Doomsday! Mission accomplished!

(Also, maybe don't throw a deadly spear into a giant pool of water, then decide you want it back a few minutes later. Maybe wait until after the giant battle with a deformed alien monster to decide what to do with it.)

19) WTF was Batman's dream sequence?

Batman falls asleep — or maybe travels to the future?! — while waiting for files to decrypt. Once he does, he imagines a world in which Superman has taken over, seemingly alongside Darkseid, the main big, cosmic bad of the DC Comics universe. Then the Flash visits him to deliver a message about being right and needing to find Lois Lane.

And that's it. I realize the easy explanation for the dream sequence is, "It's setting up future movies," or, "It shows us Batman's paranoia about Superman!" (Batman, apparently, is a recently activated authoritarian.) But it also seems like an attempt to get us to worry that Superman might turn evil at some point, and, sigh.

No matter how you slice it, Batman v Superman doesn't work as a standalone movie. But in this sequence — which could be lifted out of the film without changing anything — it doesn't work as a potential franchise starter, either. And for Warner Bros., that might be the aspect of Batman v Superman that makes the least sense of all.

Batman v Superman is playing throughout the country. See something else instead.

Watch a super hero scene that does make sense